Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
