I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
