I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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