Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
