1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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