taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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