This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We just shotgunned beers for America
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
