I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
