is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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