Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
