my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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