just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
