i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
