Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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