i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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