Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She needs sedatives and a leash
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
