Small penises have feelings too.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
