Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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