does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
