oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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