i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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