Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
