had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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