We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize