I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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