soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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