This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
