My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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