At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
