I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
As shirtless as possible
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
