if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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