she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
