it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
