why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
