if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We had to coat check the pizza.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
