im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
