Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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