She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
