I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
