Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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