If i come over, it means nothing
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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