he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
