I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
worst night to have a conscience
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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