he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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