Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
