Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
