You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
