Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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