Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Too much gin, very little bucket
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
