its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize