u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
