I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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