She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
