I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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