At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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