I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize