I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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