Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
