mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
