haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
