we have pet lesbian snakes
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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