fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
