lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
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