He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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