I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
