i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
