I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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