508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
