That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
