He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
