I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
