My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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