I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
