just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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