bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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