i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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