yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
